Even monks feel perimenopausal rage
Somehow that makes me feel better.
Two women set out to learn everything they could about perimenopause — and one of their big takeaways is that we can’t be mad at ourselves for what our bodies are going through.
That may be easier for them than it is for some of us, though. Practicing nonviolence, which includes this kind of negative self-talk, is core to what they do.
Sadhvi Siddhali Shree and Sadhvi Anubhuti are Jain monks, practitioners of the ancient Indian religion that is about the renunciation of worldly possessions to achieve a kind of spiritual liberation. (Sadhvi is a term of respect for a holy woman in Jainism and several other Eastern faiths.)
Siddhali and Anubhuti both live and teach at a Jain retreat center in Texas; they teach others how to use breathing practices, yoga, meditation and mindfulness to live a more peaceful life. They’re also documentary filmmakers.
But when they both began experiencing symptoms of perimenopause, they realized that a new level of self-care was necessary to achieve the kind of spiritual peace needed to help heal the world.
They also realized there was so much more to learn about perimenopause — enough, in fact, that the topic deserved the documentary treatment. “Balance,” the four-part docuseries directed and produced by the pair, is now streaming on Apple TV and Amazon Prime.
In it, Siddhali and Anubhauti not only chronicle their personal journeys but look at why this remains such an understudied and misunderstood field of medicine and research — and the real toll that takes.
“When we talk about self-compassion and practicing nonviolence, which is what we practice and teach, it’s about having that understanding, having that knowledge that we can reduce that suffering within ourselves, start being kinder to ourselves, to know it’s not us,” Siddhali said when we spoke over Zoom just days after the series’ release.
The two say that making the docuseries opened their eyes to the extent of gender disparities within the health care system and the disproportionate impact to women of color. It also brought spiritual lessons.
Said Siddhali: “We can’t be mad at us. This is physiological. Understanding that this is what our body is going through and our mind is following — that helps to reduce that suffering.”
Finding the word
“Balance” follows Siddhali and Anubhuti as they try to evaluate and manage their perimenopause symptoms. Siddhali looks into menopausal hormone therapy. Anubhuti is more reluctant about medication; she starts to investigate whether supplements and other natural remedies can meaningfully change how she’s feeling.
It’s an experience that made the two realize that perimenopause could use a documentarian’s eye.
“Because we didn’t know about it. So imagine how many other women don’t know about it, not even the word, because even the word brings clarity when you don’t even know what’s going on with your own body. So having that clarity, having that word, you know, changed everything,” Siddhali said.
From suffering to change
In the series, the two monks interview a who’s who of nationally recognized menopause experts to inform not only their own health care choices but to better understand why perimenopause continues to be so underrecognized and misunderstood.
It wasn’t long before the pair realized that perimenopause was thematically aligned with their past projects on human trafficking and animal cruelty.
“We also get moved when we see that a group of people or a group of individuals are suffering a lot. In this case, it’s not just a small group. We’re talking about 100 percent of all women, 50 percent of the population,” Anubhuti said. “When we started to look at the actual numbers — how many women commit suicide during this time period, how many divorce, how many families this impacts because of this situation and what women are going through — it’s pretty drastic. It’s just a huge number that we’re looking at.”
Like with their past projects, their goal is not just awareness, but awareness that provokes change.
“I want people to feel comfortable starting to talk about it so that now you know what’s going on with your body. Now that you have that language — because languages change culture — and so if you have people talking about it, being comfortable discussing it, passing it on, talking to your mom even if they’re older, or to your daughters or children,” Siddhali said.
Don’t be ashamed to say ‘vagina’
Part of that change is also focused on eradicating the stigma that surrounds perimenopause and menopause, a shame that can be yet another barrier to accessing the right health care.
“There are a lot of symptoms that you feel ashamed about when you go through perimenopause — like the brain fog, you don’t want to be seen as weak or seen as this person who can’t do her job or perform her job properly now because of her brain and how she’s reacting to this, or she’s not sleeping, or — vaginal atrophy! These are words that we don’t want to even say out loud because we’re so ashamed saying the word vagina, right?” Anubhuti said.
(In the series, Anubhuti accompanies her own mother to see Dr. Mary Claire Haver, a boldface menopause specialist, to understand whether her mother might be able to use hormone therapy to treat any of her own symptoms — including vaginal estrogen to prevent UTIs.)
Holistic health
Further underscoring the focus of the documentary is Siddhali and Anubhuti’s lived experience as Jain monks, people whose day-to-day lives are rooted in the spiritual, from a vegetarian diet to daily breathwork and meditation.
Still, the realities of perimenopause come for them. In the series, Siddhali has a very vulnerable moment sharing about a time she snapped at someone while planning for their new retreat center, making the other person cry. It was the moment she finally realized she was not feeling like herself — and needed answers so she could change.
“For us as monks, I think we were already doing a big part of the list of things that doctors recommend that you do. You know, we live very peacefully, we do a lot of breathing techniques, we do yoga. We do all the things, lifestyle-wise,” Anubhuti said.
Even just learning enough about hormone therapy to decide whether it was right for them helped them think about their health in a new way. “This is a holistic approach that as monks we need to talk about spirituality, mental well-being, physical well-being and now, hormones.”
The experience of making this docuseries has in turn informed their spiritual lives, too.
“I think a lot of women want to avoid and skip the whole thing. And we thought as monks, maybe we would skip it and not go through the pain and suffering,” Anubhuti said. “But that’s a big lesson, even if you are quote-unquote ‘doing all the things right,’ this physiological change that we’re going to go through, it’s something that no one can escape and that we need to be prepared for because it’s going to impact us from our head to toes and these changes can have big consequences in our lives.”
In other words, if you’re feeling the realities of perimenopause right now, you’re not alone. If even Jain monks feel hormonal rage sometimes — it’s OK if you do, too. (And also — also! — it’s OK to seek out help when you need it, too.)