Listen to Kacey Musgraves while you read this
A collection of links and research and other things I’m thinking about.
It’s May! And after Deinfluencing Month, we’re returning to something we tried back in March — making the first edition of each month a collection of links and research and other things I’m thinking about.
And right now, I’m definitely thinking about Mother’s Day — and how much of my mom’s take on this day I have inherited.
“A Hallmark holiday!” she likes to shout. “If you love your mother, tell her every day but don’t buy me a card! I don’t want a brunch!”
Now I say all of these things too.
But I suspect that what my own mom is saying (hi, Mom – I know you’re reading!) is that these kinds of days are just so complicated. That’s true whether you are a mother or not, whether you wanted to be one and couldn’t be, whether you are reckoning with any kind of loss, or whether you’re in the thralls of difficult, humbling work of parenting or able to sit back and admire the person you raised.
Maybe it’s also OK to lean into that.
Maybe Mother’s Day can be a time to celebrate that life is in fact messy and heartbreaking and astounding in ways you could never imagine. Maybe this is a great chance to take a moment to embrace our capacity to feel so many different kinds of things and remember that hard isn’t necessarily bad. We’re never worse off for letting ourselves feel all the things.
(PS hi again, Mom — I love you!)
Winner winner chicken dinner
We have some news we want to share with you because it really is a win for you too: This newsletter won a National Headliner Award last week!
I really love the wonderful community we have created here, getting your emails, reading your Substack comments and hearing exactly what you want to learn more about.
Thank you so much for sticking with us — there’s no newsletter without readers!
News flash
Coming off Deinfluencing Month, this new research on Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on menopausal symptoms, quality of life and depression featured in the the journal Menopause really caught my eye.
I’ll admit, I wasn’t familiar with the acronym “EFT,” but when I looked into it further, I realized it was all over my Instagram feed by another name: tapping.
Tapping, or EFT, involves tapping specific parts of your head, hands and torso with your fingers in moments of anxiety or distress, often with statements of affirmation that both acknowledge the anxiety and your ability to move through it.
In a randomized controlled study of 105 menopausal participants who were divided equally among a control group, an EFT practice group, and a “sham” group that did not practice actual EFT, a group of Turkish researchers found significant differences for the EFT group in measures of menopausal symptoms, perimenopausal depression and quality of life.
This data led the researchers to conclude that EFT can be considered an effective complementary intervention for reducing menopausal symptoms, alleviating depression and improving the quality of life in women going through menopause — a real win, considering there’s no cost to it and it can be done easily at home.
So tap away, friends.
Menopause and incarceration
I also wanted to share with you this story, by The Marshall Project, a nonprofit news organization covering the U.S. criminal justice system, on what it’s like to go through perimenopause and menopause in prison.
In the article, published in partnership with The 19th, reporter Rebecca McCray digs into the stories of several incarcerated women and their experiences managing menopause.
In what McCray calls a “Kafkaesque journey,” one of these women faced countless doors as she struggled to first get a diagnosis, and then actual care. Even an eventual prescription for menopausal hormone therapy — finally issued after months and months of symptoms and visits to three separate providers and countless points of negotiation within the prison health care system — was never refilled once it ran out.
The whole piece is a sobering read and well-worth your time.
I’ll be digging into …
I know spare time is precious! Here’s what I’m spending mine on this month.
These books:
“Famesick” by Lena Dunham
I’m absolutely knee-deep into the press tour surrounding Dunham — best known for her work as the creator and star of HBO’s “Girls.”
I’ve been really struck by how Dunham — now 39 and decidedly on the cusp of being firmly middle-aged herself — is turning an eye on her 20s and what they meant to her as a woman, as a professional, as a creator and as someone who grapples with chronic illness. She talks about her understanding of how chronic illness ages with us and what it means to take time to acknowledge the flaws of your youth while also giving your younger, rawer self grace.
“American Fantasy” by Emma Straub
A boy band. A midlife crisis. A cruise ship.
Honestly, I don’t need to know any more than this to know that the latest from Straub — a storied chronicler of women’s interior lives with honesty and generosity and a great sense of humor and wordsmithing — is very much for me.
These TV shows:
“Beef,” Season 2, Netflix
I’m filling the “White Lotus”-sized hole in my heart by watching Carey Mulligan and Oscar Isaac engage in some elite country club drama. It’s a great reminder that yes, even in midlife, you can act like a petulant teenager.
“Bait,” Amazon Prime
I cannot wait to marathon Riz Ahmed’s limited series about a British-Pakistani actor who is struggling in his career — and then lands an audition to be the next James Bond. Ahmed has always done an amazing job of using his work to push on questions about representation, intersectionality and popular culture, and I am very excited to see this latest installment.
This album:
“Middle of Nowhere,” Kacey Musgraves
I’ve had this preordered on vinyl since the day it was announced and no, sorry, I haven’t listened to anything else since it dropped Friday. Now 37, Musgraves is returning to a more traditional country sound after some twists and turns into Christmas music, pop and folk. It’s an album all about the avenues we take to figure ourselves out — and the new questions we’re still left with — as we age.
This and that
The stories this past month that caught my attention:
Our (Mothers’) Bodies, Ourselves (Oldster, April 24)
Dealing with Midlife Anxiety (Gloria, April 24)
The Year All My Friends Got Botox (The Cut, April 24)
Where Did ‘Let Them’ Come From (The Atlantic, April 20)
Ciara Miller Will Let the Universe Handle It (Glamour, April 17)
Domestic violence organizations turn away thousands each day. Julia was one of them. (The 19th, April 16)
The 82-Year Old Jump Rope Queen of Beverly Hills (New York Times, April 10)
‘Crossing guard diva’ with remarkable past is a social media star in her 80s (Washington Post, April 10)